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The Creative Mind Of The Spunkmaster Essay, Research Paper
Pyro explodes from The Nassau Coliseum in the heart of Long Island, as the 2nd
PCW PPV kicks off with Metallica performing “Seek -N- Destroy” to open up the
show !! The crowd is psyched up for this show tonight folks !! Your
commentators at ringside are Jackass JR and King Zio !!!
( “All The Small Things” by Blink 182 plays over the sound system )
JACKASS JR – Here comes Ashley Marty, leading her punk brigade of Cristian
Maiullo, Craig Grauso, and Tim Ogden to do battle with the GOD Squad.
( “Revolution? by Kirk Franklin plays )
KING ZIO – Here comes the GOD Squad, consisting of Michael Morganti, Kevin
Cahill, and Father Joly with Maria Nouri and Kelly Dow. Wait !! Another body
has made his way through the curtain, its no…IT CAN’T BE !!
JACKASS JR- ITS THE SULTAN OF THE SAX !! ITS RANDY SILANG !!!!
The Punk Pit comes out strong, but the lanky body of Morganti enables him to
toss Craig around the ring like a sack of potatoes. Ogden gets a point for
his team by taking out the ankle of Michael, and the two Punk Pitters proceed
to give Morganti a wish-bone !! Morganti is writhing in pain from the shock
of his legs being separated in that cruel type fashion.
Cristian goes to backdrop Cahill, but instead Cahill throws Cristians head to
the mat with a handful of spiky, highlighted hair . He then drops an elbow,
and goes for the pin, but its broken up by a big boot to the head by Ogden.
All hell breaks loose as all 6 men enter the ring !! Kelly enters to low-blow
Cristian, but is speared to hell by Ashley !! The Punk Pit picks up momentum
as Grauso goes for the Stewy Spike, but as he gets up Maria Nouri hits him
with a flying clothesline !! Randy then covers Grauso and the GOD Squad
steals a victory !!
JACKASS JR- What a match !! I hope we see more of these 2 factions against
each other !! The GOD Squad better count their blessings though King !!
KING ZIO – Definitely JR !! But now we have a hardcore title match coming up
!! These 3 have some blood, sweat and tears to shed after this !!
( Samurai music plays )
JACKASS JR -Coming to the ring, by way of Tokyo, Japan, he is the Lethal
Weapon, Steve “Chewy” Blackman !!
KING ZIO – This guy has no personality JR !! Kinda reminds me of that guy
Martin…that really smart kid at that PC high school…
( Come As You Are by Nirvana plays )
KING ZIO – Now entering the junkyard, this is Raven !!!
JACKASS JR – Haven’t I seen this bum before ? Didn’t he play the part of
Lysander ? Nah, couldn’t be…..
( Wait and Bleed by Slipknot plays )
KING ZIO – Here we go !! Here comes the champion !! From the Red Hook section
of Brooklyn, New York, this is TAZ !!!
JACKASS JR – People know this man as RAVI from the PC locker room !! He has a
reputation as one tough, little son of a gun !!
All 3 men immediately grab a weapon, Chewy gets his resident kendo sticks,
Raven armed with a chain, and Taz with a steel chair. Chewy goes to swing,
but Raven catches it with the chain, and proceeds to start swinging The
Lethal Weapon around like a retarded merry-go-round !! Taz gets kayoed in the
face with one of Chewy’s feet, and he is knocked cold !! Chewy goes for the
flying kick, but Raven dodges it and catches Chewy on the left ankle with a
NICE chair shot !! He then DDTs him onto a metal car bumper, and Chewy is
seeing stars !!
Taz is regaining his senses, and applies the chokehold on Raven, but Raven
falls back, and Taz is crushed on top of a car !! Raven gets into his car,
pushes the pedal to the metal, and proceeds to run over Taz in much the same
fashion the MoonDoggie was run over by Raven after the drama in the PC
parking lot !! Raven goes for the pin, and he have a NEW PCW HARDCORE
Just then, The Full Monti Val Venis sneaks up behind the champ, and lays him
out with a pair of brass knuckles !! He then stands over him, but nobody
knows his reason !!
JACKASS JR – Dammit King !! That was so LOW of The Full Monti !! How dare he
attack the champion after a hard-fought contest !!
KING ZIO – Your right JR !! Raven will have sumthing to say before the night
is over !!
JACKASS JR – Damn King, this card is getting better by the match, and we’re
only in the 2nd one as well !!
KING ZIO – I’m sure Raven will have some business with The Full Monti in
weeks to come !! Maybe something will be said on WARZONE tomorrow night ?
JACKASS JR – I’ll bet the farm on it King !! By the way, WARZONE will now be
culminating monthly at the Paladin Palace !! Wait…this just in, a limo is
arriving at the arena ? Stationed out front is our own The Real Paul Houlis
!! Take it away !!
( Outside the arena in the parking lot )
PAUL HOULIS – Fans, this limo pulling up has been rumored to be The Great
Franny Menahoony !! I wonder what Lucas has to say on the World title match
between the Soprano and The Game Triple H ?
( The door opens, and it is indeed the infamous Franny !! )
Franny doesn’t mutter a word, as his cool cat persona of beach shades and
Hawaiian shirt stand out in the crowd. Following him in hula dancer gear is
Miss Sarapin, carrying a plate of jell-O !! Houlis struggles to get in a
word, but is met with some quality Jell-o wrestling substance into his mouth
HOULIS – More on this as it unfolds fans !! Until next time…same Houlis
time, same Houlis channel !!
JACKASS JR ? Up next, we have the match you?ve all been waiting for!! But first, let?s take you back to WrestleFest 2000 to show you how this match was signed.
[Clips from the Mamacita / Head Cheerleader match play, including referee The Spunkmaster being hit with a glass tray, and his announcement of a mixed tag team match to decide which of the two women would be PCW Women?s Champion]
The second act of Thanksgiving Throwdown opens with a view from the outside of Long Island?s Nassau Veteran?s Memorial Coliseum. Inside the arena, two lines of pyro explode toward the ring, finishing with flame pops from the ring posts. A shot of the crowd shows numerous ?PC F?N W? signs spotted by the camera. One sign pictures newly-crowned champion Rene Leon holding the belt, with the blazing caption ?The Soprano needs no recount!!?
In the front row, the camera centers on Ryan Hauck, one of the founding members of The Nation of Spunk. He goes by the name Hawk now, and according to rumors, may be here to challenge The Spunkmaster for his role in the PCW creative team. Head of Security ?Big Bad Ed? Oblen tries in vain to keep the fans from barging into the camera shot.
[cue Spunkmaster?s music]
The Spunkmaster walks out onto the stage, and slowly looks around the arena. He makes his way to the ring, pausing to glare at The Hawk sitting at ringside. McHale pulls his always-ready microphone from its holster on his hip. Chants of ?PCW!! PCW!! PCW!!? prevent him from speaking. Finally, he opens his mouth.
?Just simmer down now.?
A few more chants, and then the crowd starts to die down.
?Well, look at this. It seems like PCW has landed??in??LONG ISLAND NEW YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK!!!!!!!!!!!!?
As expected, the mention of the area?s name drives the crowd to near insanity.
?Damn, I love cheap pops.
?Well, I seem to remember a little incident at WrestleFest 2000, where I got whacked with a glass tray. A match was made that night?by me, of course?for the PCW Women?s Championship belt!! It?s time for the no disqualification mixed tag match, with the female member of the winning team taking home the title. SO SAYETH THE SPUNKMASTER!!?
McHale exits the ring to join the broadcast crew at ringside. Zio and JR welcome him and await the entrance of the participants.
Jackass JR ? What a pleasure it is to have the Spunkmaster with us at ringside for what will surely be one of the fan-favorite matches of the night.
King Zio ? We?ve got puppies and pom-poms!! What more do you need, JR?!?
Spunkmaster ? King, I might just have to ask you to simmer down now.
King Zio ? Simmer down, Sean? Just look at what?s coming out of the curtain!!
?Ma?ma?CI?ta?? [cue Mamacita?s music]
Michele Clear walks down the aisle, smiling for the fans, but obviously getting ready for the match.
Jackass JR ? She looks psyched, gentlemen. This could get interesting.
[cue Road Dogg?s music]
King Zio ? Here comes her partner Mike Campbell. I think they?re making goo-goo eyes at each other!!
Spunkmaster ? They accompany each other to the ring, Z, but let?s see if they can work together inside it.
Jackass JR ? They will certainly have their work cut out for them, because here comes one half of their tag team opponents.
[cue Head Cheerleader?s music]
King Zio ? Pom-Poms!!!!! We?ve got puppies in the ring, and pom-poms on the way. I don?t know which way to look, JR!!
Spunkmaster ? I?d suggest you look straight ahead, King, unless you want to get on the wrong side of the Road Dogg or??.
[cue AATLAS music]
Spunkmaster ? ??or this man, Mister AATLAS!!
Jackass JR ? The staredown is starting already, so let?s get right to the action.
Much to the delight of the fans, Allison and Michele are picked to start off the match, while their male counterparts wait in their respective corners.
The two lock up, and Michele immediately goes for the blonde locks of the Head Cheerleader. Allison is thrown halfway across the ring, and lands leaning against the lower turnbuckle.
After a second of recovery time, the two lock up again, and this time Allison returns the favor on Michele, sending her into the corner next to the Road Dogg. The two women glare at each other, and Michele tags in Mike Campbell. Allison does the same, bringing Dave Monti into the match.
Spunkmaster ? Well, that was anti-climactic, wasn?t it?
King Zio ? What did he say, JR?
Jackass JR ? Forget it King. Just watch the match.
RD and AATLAS trade armlocks until Dave throws in an elbow, momentarily stunning the Road Dogg. Monti bounces off the ropes, and delivers a shoulder tackle to Mike?s chest, sending him to the mat. Dave looks to repeat the move, but Mike flattens himself on the mat, sending his opponent against the opposite ropes. On the return trip, Mister AATLAS is met with a monkey flip that sends him over the ropes to the floor below.
King Zio ? Ut-oh, JR. I hate it when this happens. We usually end up with a broken broadcast table!!
Jackass JR ? I don?t think you need to worry this time, King. Dave is fired up, and is jumping right back in there!!
Monti rushes the Road Dogg, and the two go crashing into the turnbuckle next to Michele. Mamacita slaps her partner?s shoulder, making her the legal one in the ring. She reaches back and with all her might, smacks Dave across the face. Dave looks stunned, but then smiles and laughs. He turns his back and walks over to his corner, bringing in Allison again.
The two women begin trading open-hand slaps across the face, until Allison begins to take the upper hand. She whips Mamacita into the ropes, and delivers a clothesline that snaps Michele?s head back. Allison pulls her downed opponent to her feet by her hair, and puts on a headlock, setting her up for the Bench Clearer DDT. Thinking quickly, Michele escapes with a double-leg takedown, putting the Head Cheerleader on her back.
King Zio ? Sean, don?t.
Spunkmaster ? I said nothing.
Mamacita wraps up Allison?s legs, and drops to her back, slingshoting her opponent over her head and into the turnbuckle. Walking over, Michele boosts the Head Cheerleader up so she is sitting on the top turnbuckle, setting her up for the ??No Mas!? hurricanrana finisher. Michele climbs the turnbuckle, but Dave Monti rushes over to knock her off. RD is furious, and dashes across the ring toward Mister AATLAS. The force of the clothesline sends both men crashing to the arena floor, and they begin battling their way up the entryway, slamming each other?s heads into the steel barricades lining the aisle.
Jackass JR ? It looks like theses two are headed to the back to finish their match there.
Spunkmaster ? Doesn?t matter, JR. The ladies are the legal participants, and it?s their belt anyway!!
King Zio ? Look out behind you, Sean!!
Climbing over the barricade behind the broadcast table, a member of the audience hurdles the table and grabs the Women?s title belt on the way to the ring. It?s Squiggly E, Eilleen Ramirez!!!
Mamacita is trying to set Allison up again for her finisher, but E waffles her with the title belt, knocking Michele unconscious. The Head Cheerleader smiles, and struts her way over to the downed Mamacita. Allison puts a single finger on her chest, and with the no disqualification stipulation, the referee has no choice but to count 1?2?3.
Jackass JR ? No!! No!! No!! Look at what you?ve done, Sean!!
King Zio ? How can we give the belt to someone who won it like this?!?
Spunkmaster ? These two teams wanted at each other so bad, they made it no DQ. Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it. So sayeth The Spunkmaster.
McHale drops his headphones on the broadcast table and walks back to the dressing room.
JACKASS JR – Wonder where that came from King ? But anyway, our next match
involves 4 teams gunning for the tag team gold !! KroniK are the defending
champions, but they have some tough opposition in the likes of the Hardy
Boyz, The Acolytes, and Edge and Christian !!
( Jump, by Van Halen plays )
KING ZIO – Coming to the ring, accompanied by Lita, the team of Nick Vertucci
and Lance Castaldo, the Hardy Boyz !!!
( Iron Man, by Black Sabbath plays )
JACKASS JR – Now entering, at a total combined weight of 650 pounds, the team
of Tim Hanley and Jeff Galletly, the Acolytes !!!!
( Pretty Fly, by the Offspring plays )
KING ZIO – Making their way through the crowd, decked in blond wigs and tight
leather, Donnie “Edge” Maskal and “Christian” Brendan Burke !!!
( Higher by Creed plays )
JACKASS JR – Now entering, the current PCW World Tag Team Champions, Big John
and Vic, they are KroniK !!!
Mayhem starts immediately, as this is a four-corners elimination match, with
Hanley quickly dominating Edge, gorilla-pressing him and tossing him onto the
other 6 men outside the ring !!! Lance goes to moonsault, and connects !!
This is a human demolition derby !! Back in the ring, as John takes a beating
from Galletly, Vic leaves the arena !! John is flabbergasted, and is finished
off with a super power-bomb from the top rope, as the Acolytes elimnate
Meanwhile, Christian is crotched on the top rope by The Hardys, and met with
a steel chair to the face !! Nick goes for the swanton bomb, and connects !!
Edge and Christian have just been eliminated !!! The Acolytes immediately
beat down the Hardys, but Hanley misses with a clothesline, and knocks out
Galletly !! Lance rolls up Big Tim, and The Hardys are your new PCW Tag Team
Back in the ring, the Acolytes start shoving each other !! Before a brawl is
erupted, Big Bad Ed Oblen and Company break it up !! Just then…
( Wanna be Sedated by the Ramones hits the sound system !!! )
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