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2000 Essay, Research Paper

2 0 0 0. The fact that it contains a 2 followed by three zeros spells out certain doom for us all. All those pesky alarmist computer problems aside, we must focus on the real problems that will be brought about by the year 2000.

One of the greatest threats to society is that of UFO?s returning to earth. Don?t look at me like that. You believe it too. Remember that one dream? Yeah that one. It?s real. Believe it. It?s gonna happen. Didn?t you watch The Faculty?

Probably the worst effect that will take place after the calendar mystically switches from 1999 to 2000 is the immediate lack of fresh water sources. Lakes will dry up. Tap water will no longer flow. Rain will cease permanently. I would advise storing bottled water now, but not that Evian or Naya stuff that costs $1.35 for a bottle. Those French people are probably the cause of all this year 2000 stuff anyway. Get yourself some of that Hogua. That stuff is made in Arkansas, so you know it?s year 2000 safe.

?Where will I store all this water?? you ask. Why, in an underground house, of course. You see, houses built above the ground simply will not survive the changeover to the year 2000. The only way to ensure that your house survives is to build it into the side of a hill. Sure, it gets a little cold and perhaps a bit dirty, but for the satisfaction of knowing that your house will be left standing while the neighbors instantly falls on New Years Day, it?s well worth it.

Oh, and don?t even think about depending upon Entergy to supply you with electricity, because they couldn?t even keep it on during the ice storm of ?99. Do you really think they can handle the mighty 2000? I think not. That?s why my family and I will be purchasing six new generators to power our underground house. I recommend stocking up on gasoline now, because when the calendar changes, the prices shoot up. This is mainly because oil wells will be instantly sucked dry due to the fact that the oil drills just couldn?t handle one more switch from December to January.

There are some who would disagree with me, stating their opinion that there?s nothing to worry about, because Jesus is coming back in 2000. What? Did I miss something in at the end of Revelation? Maybe only TBN channel 22 has it in their Bible. Some people seem to have it in their head that somehow the year 2000 means something to the Christian religion. I beg to differ. If those people actually read the Bible they claim to believe in, I?m sure they would find in there somewhere that it says that no man will no the hour of His coming.

No, I think my scenario is much more plausible. Everyone knows that UFOs exist. I mean, come on. Oh, you think I?m nuts because I?m storing massive amounts of ammunition, salted peanuts, and Crisco in my garage? You think it?s strange to erect windmills and greenhouses in my backyard? Yes, yes. Well, we?ll see when the clock strikes midnight, my friend. We?ll see.


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